For each of the projects write a paragraph that offers at least 5 points of constructive criticism or needs improvement and at least 4 points of positive feedback. Post this feedback to the appropriate blog entry by 5:00 p.m. tonight. Sign your initials to your feedback.
Write your criticism/feedback here:
I really liked how your group made a video. The website also looks good, with good images, and there is a lot of talk about demographics and whatnot. However, I think there should be more images. The video is also out of focus in some parts, and sound quality could be better. Also, there are some historical accuracy problems, such as the part of Signal Hill your group was in.
To start, I really enjoyed your video of your exploration of Cherry Ave. The 4 aspects that you bring up are good as well, and the map and the pictures really help tie your whole project together. On the flip side, the video itself could use a little more context and explanation for what’s going on. I also didn’t see any sources, and I also thinking adding a timeline would be helpful and user friendly. Also, you have large chunks of text so maybe summarizing more would help. You can always add more pictures! Good work guys!
I’ll start with my positive feedback: the video was a great idea, helps to visualize the differences between the districts and I liked how it was categorized by economics, gender, etc. The pages looked nice and clean and organized, plus I also thought the ratio of pictures to text was nice; not to wordy. Things that need improvement are the size of the pictures, I’d personally make them a little bigger, the visuals are just as important as the text. The background of the pages is also a little boring, maybe add some bigger titles or add color/ visual interest. I would also make separate tabs for each category, economics, gender, etc., because they kind of seem hidden. The last two things are preference, but I would change the font and make the text a little bigger. Maybe something a little more modern looking.
Your website was laid out really well which allowed for easy navigation. You included good graphics such as the imbedded pictures as well as the map you had open. Also, the audio files you had (some old songs) were cool because it allowed the user to listen to and experience what you were discussing. Finally, the fact that you had a home video on your website was cool and unique because it changed up the usually information and provided a bit of personal experience to your website. However, it’s important to include that these districts no longer exist, but explain that the effects of them have been lasting and thus can still be seen. Also, the video needs a little more context since I wouldn’t really understand it if I just started watching it. Some sort of introduction to it would be awesome. Also, was the map actually a part of your website? It was opened in an external link so I’m not sure how you got to it? If so, try imbedding it so the user has easy access. And finally make sure to include sources since you had a lot of graphics and information.
You had an interesting topic of comparing all the lines. It was nice that you had a map with all the lines, and the video you made was interesting, informative, and creative. The formatting was nice, simple, and easy to follow. I liked that you divided up each section but it may have been more nice if you added more pictures. The page seemed a little too plain. Also, you could have a timeline of your events, and maybe a map as well. Also, your paragraphs seemed a little too clustered, so maybe divide them up into sub sections so it is easier to read. Lastly, put in a little more analysis; put in more than just facts. Overall, good work; I was able to learn more about the lines of LA!
Love the video idea! It’s the start to a great documentary; it reminded me of Rick Steve’s or the like. You might want to have separate videos for each district, next to their transcripts so that they’re easier to follow along with. Your site has a lot of white space – which is often a great look, but here it looks unfinished. You’ve got all this open space on the right side of the page, like there’s supposed to be tabs or something there. Use it! More pictures would be nice. Have some sort of about/intro/thesis on your home page, before jumping into the redlining. I like how you have separate sections on more big-picture aspects of L.A. suburbia. The inclusions of audio as well as the carefully rendered floor plans were nice touches.
Ka Cin Wong:
I love the efforts your group put into the making of the video. We all understand how hard it is to meet up as a group these days–not to mention making a video! Shout-out to the video editor here (good work!) I liked that everyone had the chance to observe and experience these places. I feel that it makes the learning experience come alive. The quote was formatted nicely in the blog, and well done on the room sketcher. It looks like a lot of work went into sketching out the room. Some ideas for improvement:
- Add more images to the blog post to enhance audience experience
- Perhaps select a theme/background color for your blog to make it colorful
- The blog post can use a bit more analysis in exploring the districts
- Add a timeline?
- Is it possible to allow the video to play by itself on the website, rather than on YouTube?
Good work overall, team! -KW
It was cool to see you talk about four different aspects of suburbia. You have good paragraph lengths, nothing to long or too short, and it was cool to see some quotes in there. The songs were a cool addition as well. However, there a barely any pictures. With the pictures that you do have, make them a bit bigger. The pages look are very blank and boring. Maybe change the font of the quotes and add a few videos as well. I would also create separate tabs for each aspect so you can easily access then and they can be easily found.
The video was well done and I liked how you actually showed the parts of the city you were discussing. Unfortunately, there was not a lot of context for the video, and it would be better to directly link the video to the content of your page. The different districts were all well represented, and so were the aspects of suburbia. However, the issue is that they were not well connected to the main point of redlining. Perhaps consider writing a short paragraph with a broader thesis, if it is not possible to tie each aspect of suburbia back to redlining (only the race page was very well linked). There was good use of different types of media, the video, music, and pictures, but they were not always well utilized. It would also be better to have some connection between the past and the present, like others have said a timeline would be useful but it is possible to show that link within the text itself, and it would be an easy change.
I really liked your YouTube video that you made and the website overall looked great. Additionally, the map that you used to show the districting in Los Angeles served as an excellent primary source and furthered your presentation. You did a good job analyzing the map as well, going into great depth and discussing the different zones and their access to resources.
While the website did look great and you used good sources, the audio did not work when you were presenting to my group. While the video was a solid addition to the presentation, the editing could have been better. The group also seemed unprepared when it came to explaining the districts and forgot about there being a green district initially. It have been nice to see the YouTube video embedded onto the webpage, rather than being redirected to YouTube, and for the map image to be blown up on the website as well.
I really enjoyed your project and thought you did a great job. The video was a great choice and I really enjoyed the personal perspectives offered throughout the project. That being said there were a few small things that could be improved. First, you might want to do one more read through to make sure everything is edited. The content and explanations were great but there were few sentences that didn’t quite make sense. You also might want to double check that you cite all your sources in your test, not just in your bibliography. As far as graphics go, you made some excellent picture choice, but you might want to make sure that you distribute gray and colored pictures more evenly. You also had a large amount of white space on the blog itself. Lastly, you might want to have a brief description of the video on the blog so people understand what they are going to look at. Other than those small issues I really loved your blog. The organization was great and the media chosen was perfect for the project.
The video is great and impressively professional for a low-tech documentary. It really highlighted the differences between the red, yellow and blue line districts. The different perspectives and aspects of redlined districts were informative and neatly organized. However, there is a lot of blank, white space. That could just be the way WordPress is designed, but if you could somehow fill up the space, then the website can be more visually appealing. Other than this, I really don’t have much else to say other than to liven the site a little more with more colors or pictures, and maybe put captions on some of the pictures.
I really enjoyed the overall topic and product of your project. I really like the documentary aspect your group incorporated, it make it easier to grasp the concept. I also enjoyed how much work was put into the video and the amount of time set aside for it. The video goes in depth to the districts in suburbs and visually showing the districts was very helpful. I was really able to see past the drawing on a map, which really expanded my knowledge. A few things that may have helped your project are including more pictures, presenting the thesis of your topic, and condensing the video to the most important content. Overall I really enjoyed your presentation and with a few fixes the presentation will be perfect!
I really appreciated the inclusion of the redlining map. Also, I found the different subsections of your project engaging and interesting. Your decision to use Long Beach as an example to describe Los Angeles suburbs was good. Your integration of music in the “Culture” post was creative!
Some areas of improvement are to introduce and integrate the video into the project. Also, I suggest you include a background image to keep reader’s attention. One question that I thought went unresolved was, “Is redlining ALL of LA suburbs or is it just LB??” The “Culture” quote citation seemed out of place, instead say author’s name and cite later. Lastly, I suggest you center the first image on the “Economics” section (provide captions for image). Overall, well done!